usullusa: (Disney: Lottie glee)

  • I am on the bus back from Boston, where I was visiting [personal profile] iambickilometer and further reinforcing that we are bros. I love Boston. I knew I loved Boston even though I hadn't been back there since my brother graduated from MIT when I was still in diapers. Arlington Park is beautiful and I love all of the adorable little cafes and restaurants and everybody is SO FRIENDLY.

  • I am gainfully employed. Times two. I have a job at the NYU library and a job with a licensing agency. (The contract says "independent consultant". I feel like Neal.) So that's exciting and takes a huge weight off my shoulders. Only to add the weight of two jobs.

  • I am still not done sorting stuff with the literary agency, but I expect as soon as I send them my review of a couple of manuscripts they asked me to read they will likely take me on. That's right, folks, I am going to attempt to take 16 credits worth of classes, work two part-time jobs and a part-time internship. Wish me luck.

  • Next week [personal profile] onlybythenight is arriving. Also it is [ profile] sythia's birthday the following Monday so we're having her party that weekend.

  • We have a cat! I have not yet seen the cat. The cat is being dropped off at the flat as I write this. I am excite! Well, rather, the cat belongs to a friend and we are looking after him for her for the school year.

  • The bar/wire glued to the back of my teeth because my orthodontist didn't trust me with a removable retainer several years back has finally utterly and completely broken off. It snapped in half and I ended up pulling it out because it was going to scratch up my mouth. So now I have a lot of abrasive rock-hard glue residue stuck to the backs of my upper teeth and it is no fun at all. I have no idea when I can get back to CT to see my orthodontist and I worry that if I don't do it soon my teeth will start to move and then two rounds of braces and 3+ years of having this thing in my mouth will have been for naught.


  • Writing/reading on a moving bus is making me car sick, so over and out.


Sep. 1st, 2010 07:16 pm
usullusa: (Avatar: Sokka WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?)
This is for the LJ crowd:

Please don't crosspost anything from my journal to Facebook/Twitter/whatever.
usullusa: (Doctor Who: eleven grin)

  • My three interviews went well today, as far as I can tell. Now the waiting game. The good news is that I will know probably by the end of this week because everybody is in a rush to finalize schedules. The internship sent me two partial manuscripts to read and evaluate. I'm half way done.

  • WHY ARE THERE CRITTERS IN NYC WATER?. Brb, going to go reestablish to my filter that it's my best friend ever.

  • House warming/random party last weekend when smashingly. Annoyingly, the furniture was in the process of arriving at the same time that the guests were so we spent a couple of hours putting things together and then the party got under way. Oh and [personal profile] iambickilometer came down from Boston so that was added excitement.

  • Things that I forgot I love about New York:
    1. The abundance of well-dressed men. (And by well dressed, I mean in [nice] suits.) Speaking of which, I just want to mention how fantastic waistcoats are and that everybody should endeavor to wear them as often as possible.
    2. Walking through Central Park on a sunny day
    3. Sunday mornings when the city is lazy and sleepy for the only time during the week

  • The other day I stopped on the sidewalk and asked a doorman why he was spraying the sidewalk. I've always wondered why they do that and my best guess is that it's to keep it clean. ... He had no idea. Every day he waters the sidewalk and has no idea for what purpose he does it. We had a good laugh and I walked home smiling the whole way.

  • I've been watching Mad Men and rewatching season one of White Collar. SO MANY SUITS. MORE SUITS THAN GOD. unf.

  • Does Your Language Shape How You Think?. Well, linguistics has already answered that question. (The answer is yes, but the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis is still wrong in a number of ways.) The part in this article about geocentric and egocentric directional language is fascinating and just goes to show you that the stories we tell (and I firmly believe every act of speech is an act of storytelling) shape our understanding of the world.

  • I can't get over how much eleven's face reminds me of my dad. It's the crinkly eyes and the semi-dimples when he laughs/smiles. Mostly the eyes. I'm going to miss my papa.
usullusa: (Marvel: Iron Man needs no pants!)

  • Hey everyone, so the flooding in Pakistan has sadly been getting much less attention than it needs.
    "Kapadia said he wonders why some aren't donating as much to Pakistani flood relief as they have to previous natural disasters, such as the Haiti earthquake in January.
    'Maybe it's donor fatigue,' he said. 'But that's no excuse.'" from Aid workers describe devastation from Pakistan floods over at CNN.
    Also, the NYT has an article and some harrowing photos.

    The people in Pakistan need our help. I know this is hypocritical coming from somebody who was just talking about how desperately they need money, but Pakistan needs it a lot more than I do. There's an auction going on at [ profile] help_pakistan and there's a list of charities.

  • I have three interviews next Tuesday. One is for the internship, but the other two are for real jobs.

  • One of my professors finally got back to me about registering for my independent study on graphic novels which hadn't been processed last spring for some reason. Good to know that it isn't going to fall through.

  • [ profile] sythia: I told Ben
    Charlie might be there on sat
    and Ben has decided he needs to do something adequately weird
    OR KII
    [ profile] sythia: I cant breathe
    I am laughing
    oh you

  • WHY AM I NOT 21 YET? I could really use a drink. Damnit. Six more months.
usullusa: (Avatar: Aang look what I can do!)
One of my good friends recently got a full-time internship at a prominent engineering company. This was her reaction just after she started this week:

Liz: I have a cubicle
my life is over


Liz: seriously
I have a cublicle, a computer, and a security badge
I must be like 50 years old by now
also all the computers run
windows xp with the "classic" windows theme
so it looks like windows 95
this is worse than being 20
usullusa: book nerd (Other: book nerd)
I have a temp job for the next few work days.

Jobs applied to: Too many.
Jobs heard back from: THE ONE UNPAID ONE.

The bright side is hooray literary agency internship (Okay, nothing is set in stone. The interview is not until over a week from now)! And they do a lot of Young Adult, double hooray! I'm back to my favorite market in publishing of all! And they got back to me almost immediately even though it has been a month since they posted the ad and have likely gotten dozens of applications. See, this reaffirms my belief that I actually have a really strong publishing resume for somebody that's two years out of high school.

The down side is no money.

If I get the internship, I have no idea how I will juggle that and a job. But I am terrified of slipping into some nameless clerical job and letting my hopes and dreams stagnate. So, onwards to having two jobs and full-time classes!

Anyway, I am super excited about this interview.

My goal for next semester/next academic year is to get an internship with a publishing house since I have been exclusively working for literary agencies. My top choice is Bloomsbury. I visited their offices once and I loved their environment best of all the publishing houses I have been to. Really, by I want to intern with them I mean I want to work with them in an editorial position.

Oh my god, you guys. Trying to be a successful adult is terrifying.


I am figuring out that my unhappiness and hopelessness are directly related to my tiredness and sleep deprivation on any given day. So on that note, good night!

ETA: I need more Eli Bradley in my life. Anybody have any recs for fic? (bonus points for backstory!fic or Eli/Kate) Also, icons!
usullusa: (Doctor Who: Rory kung fu fighting)
Today I applied to six more jobs. And an internship. Why in god's name did I apply to an unpaid internship when I'm already going to be struggling between a job and full-time classes? Because I am insane and addicted to internships apparently. But if I get the internship I am definitely going to try because goddamnit I am not letting my parents get in the way of my career. I AM GOING TO BE AN EDITOR IN CHILDREN'S PUBLISHING EVEN IF I HAVE TO DEFEAT SEVEN EVIL EX-EMPLOYEES TO GET THERE.

You think I'm joking but I'm not.

Anyway, off to sleep. I have to get up at 6 am for a temp job I have tomorrow.
usullusa: (Other: INTERNET!)
    Things I got done today:
    -Called the landlord about the intercom being broken (Apparently somebody's button in their apartment is stuck down so they switched off the whole system to prevent it from frying until they figure out which apartment it is and fix it)

    -Called the internet service provider for our area and set up an appointment for them to come work their magic (How do I have internet now? Magic.)

    -Applied to two three six jobs

    -Caught four pokemon (Don't judge me. I have to be the Pokemon Master.) I am so planning on breeding/training a team of entirely dragon-types. It's going to be epic. Hey, I said stop judging me.

  • Encouraging bilingualism in children a good idea?. Interesting because I grew up in a bilingual trilingual home and all of my childhood friends came from bilingual and immigrant families.
    I feel like English-speaking parents who are purposely trying to raise bilingual children have a very different perspective from immigrant families who don't know much English. They have the privilege of already knowing English, of usually being relatively established and financially stable, and not being cultural outsiders. I'm not saying that this is bad, but I don't know if I like the tone of criticism that some people take over families insisting their children learn English over their native language. It's a matter of survival and of trying to integrate into a foreign and often hostile environment.
  • Dear Soccer Fans...
  • Every once in a while my mother shoves a health/lifestyle magazine under my nose and makes me promise to read it. I am skeptical, but after reading the article I am usually filled with resolve. "Yeah!" I think to myself. "I am totally going to exercise and bathe my face in chickpea flour and jojoba oil and meditate when I'm stressed and eat fruits and vegetables! Then I will be less anxious, my stomach will feel better, and my face will clear up." This lasts for about half an hour. Occasionally it will go on for a few days and once I even managed to stick with a skincare regime for several weeks. But it's so much work and I'm so bad at time management and all of this costs money so, inevitably, I always end up back at square one: awake at 3am, on the verge of tears due to self-inflicted stress without having washed my face for four days straight or eaten anything besides pastries and smoked turkey breast all day, and on my sixth cup of caffeinated tea.
    Is there anybody out there who actually leads one of these purported healthy lifestyles? I think these people are just unicorns.
  • Sissy Commercials. Catherynne Valente already pointed out this hyper-masculine trend in commercials, but Bryan Safi is just so hilarious I had to link to this. Plus he talks about it from the perspective of a gay man, which is different from Caherynne Valente's critique from the point of view of a woman.


Aug. 17th, 2010 01:15 am
usullusa: (Disney: Lottie glee)

*after I had something I mansplained away the other day be proven wrong to me*
Me: Most of what I say I pull out of my ass
Liberal Arts education syndrome
[personal profile] onlybythenight: LAES
Me: it's pronounced "lies"
usullusa: Matt from Deathnote (Default)
Dear E-Diary

Today my mother shouted at me that I was destroying her life and her family and that I had brought everything going on down upon myself and I had no right to complain or accuse. This was after I in on way complained or accused, but rather explained for the third or fourth time that I didn't think it was possible for me to take extra classes because I needed to have time to work to support myself.

Then she cried about how much pain she was in all the time and passive aggressively suggested that I didn't love her. And then I was expected to comfort her, which I can't. There is nothing I can say that won't end in a fight or her shouting at me. So I simply patted her arm and said nothing, hence re-enforcing her notion that I am a heartless, emotionless dick who doesn't give a shit about her.

Too worn out to be anything but tired and resigned.

Prop 8

Aug. 4th, 2010 05:06 pm
usullusa: Sam and Dean squealing with glee (Supernatural: OMG EXCITING)
usullusa: (Doctor Who: Rory punch)

  • Long exhausting day. Went into the city to look at an apartment. Didn't like it. Blah.

  • Improbable – Old Spice Guy/Sassy Gay Friend – CRACK FIC

  • Fanart: Pretty pretty Inception

  • Inception in 30 seconds SPOILERS. (Last three links via [personal profile] onlybythenight)

  • Watched the first episode of BBC's new show, Sherlock. Why I think the writing for Sherlock is homophobic... cut for spoilers )

  • Lost my phone charger somewhere between Connecticut and Manhattan. (Don't ask me why I had it with me, long story.) Went straight to AT&T store to get a new one because I really need my cell phone. They didn't have the charger I need. Sent me to RadioShack across the street. They didn't have it either. AT&T store then sent me to another AT&T store on 43rd & Lexington. Turned out it was closed because they didn't fucking check the hours before they sent me traipsing all the way over there. Gave up in the end and went home. SIGH.

  • The company I bought my replacement laptop battery from less than eight months ago has agreed to replace my battery. I have to send my old one to them and pay for shipping for the new one, but it's better than buying a new one altogether. I doubt it will be quite that simple, this stuff usually requires at least three phone calls/emails ranging somewhere on the scale of firm to angry, but I expect I'll get a new battery in a few weeks.

usullusa: (Doctor Who: Face that nobody listens to)
I have a rant. It's about my weight and my consumption of food.

I am really damn tired of people commenting about how skinny I am. I am sick of people exclaiming that they can see my ribs or making dissaproving noises when I decline to eat or eat very little.

Look. I have several digestive illnesses. Cut for length )
usullusa: Tony Stark (Marvel: Tony Uh actually...)

  • Upside: I am at my parents' house. Downside: I am my parents' house. My dad replaced my old 50-year old windows in my room while I was gone. Good sign? Also we had a perfectly normal, if maybe a bit tense because of the elephant in the room, evening. Went out to dinner with my mother before all that and she did her usual crying and gender policing. She keeps on asking me if I've ever fucked a guy penis. Um, one, that's personal two, I know why you're asking and I'm not going to help you out here.

  • A random middle-aged woman approached me and my mother in the parking lot. She asked us in broken English to take her home. We couldn't figure out most of what she was saying and she had to show us her ID before we understood where she lived. So we took her home and that's actually why I'm at my parents' house now instead of at [personal profile] sythia's. It was too late and my mom was too tired to drive me.

  • I'm in a dream motherfucker over at [personal profile] inception_kink

  • Sometimes I wish I knew an adult that was glbtq well enough to talk to about life. Just so I knew somebody who was wiser and understood.
usullusa: (Doctor Who: eleven grin)

  • Series 5 Doctor Who theme.

  • 12 year-old playing & singing Paparazzi. Check out his other two original songs. This kid is raw, but he has got some serious talent.

  • I had a moment where I listened to some Andrea Gibson for the first time in months and suddenly everything seemed like it was going to be okay. Andrea is absolutely fantastic and if you've never listened to any of her spoken word, or at least read it, go do so right now. Do not pass go, do not collect 200.

  • The Avengers at Comic Con. Oh my god Clint. Clint Clint Clint. Jeremy Renner had better play him right. I want my douchey, insecure Clint Barton. And this interview with Joss Whedon confirms that there will be no Ant-Man. Presumably The Wasp won't be either. Hank and Jan, I will miss you. D:

  • More Avengers movie stuff. Here's the full interview the above article was quoting from.
    On Captain America and Iron Man: "They are two very different definitions of a person. One is a self-made man, a modern man, a rockstar. The other is a World War 2 grunt, just trying to do his part. They couldn't have more different views of the world. That will just end up in fun. It ended up in Civil War in the comics, in my movie it will be witty banter." SO EXCITED JSAHDJSAHDKJSAHDKJA
usullusa: Matt from Deathnote (Default)

  • Pining for [personal profile] onlybythenight. Nobody around to keep me sane. Nobody around to tempt me out of bed with tea. Nobody around to cuddle with when I'm cold. My quality of life has vastly decreased.

  • I played Final Fantasy 13 today. Cut for FF13 RAGE )

  • How Iron Man should have ended.

  • A really well thought-out and interesting interpretation of Inception as a metaphor for movie-making (and I would say story-telling in general).

  • Have you heard about Shamylan's next movie? It's called Devil. You know what's it's about? "Five people are trapped in an elevator and one of them is the devil." That's the whole movie. Maybe, in the right hands, it could be something good. I highly doubt it could ever be a movie. A short story? Probably. But it's a thriller movie. Cracked breaks everything wrong with this idea down for you.

  • Got caught in a really scary thunderstorm going home tonight. There were forks of lightning in the sky and it was raining to hard we couldn't see the road. At all. If there had been a car stopped in the middle of the road we would have run into it, even though we were going at 10 miles an hour.

  • Figured out why I was so utterly despondent for the past few days. Hello PMS, you are not my friend. Some people get angry. Me? I just stop seeing the point of life.

  • Conversation of the day:
    Me: Try harder.
    Liz: That's what your mom said to me last night.
    Me: ...
    Liz: Wait. I didn't-

usullusa: Matt from Deathnote (Default)

  • I miss [personal profile] onlybythenight. Brb sulking.

  • Had to turn down the apartment because they were giving us BS about the lease. Sorry, two people are renting and two people are paying so two people's names are going to go on the fucking lease. D:< Back to square one.

  • Babysat [personal profile] sythia's little cousins today. The younger two are adorable together. More rambling about children )
    I love those kids.

  • Liz's parents took me and [personal profile] sythia out to dinner today at a fancy Asian fusion restaurant downtown. I had this weird risotto that has a texture like meat. It was tasty but extremely disconcerting. Also, duck nachos? Wat?

  • I saw Inception today cuse my friends were awesome and treated me.
    First words I can think of to describe it: MINDFUCK. The ending reminds me a bit of Justine Larbalestier's Liar. If anybody has both seen Inception and read Liar let me know if you see what I'm talking about.
    I adored Mal. She was played so well and was the perfect heartbreaking nightmare. Also I just thought she was so unconventionally beautiful. (And we have the exact same birthmark. Weird.)
    Verdict: I highly recommend it. Even if you're not terribly into action/thrillers, it's worth it. It's the mindfuck of the year for sure.

  • DUE DATE. I am so excited for this movie if only because I have never seen a Robert Downey Jr movie that has let me down, and I've seen quite a few.
    Check out this interview with RDJ and Zach Galianakis. Especially at 0:49. "I don't know if there is a straight man in this movie." I loled.

  • More trailer stuff. 1. I am more excited about the Tron movie than I have any right to be.
    My first thought upon seeing this image ) in the trailer was "DAVID BOWIE". And then I watched this interview and I was right!

  • I spoke with my mother on the phone and she was nice to me and even was encouraging about the apartment search. I have a lot of things I want to speak to her about. My brother helped me mull it over and figure out the best way to approach her. All of it involve my making compromises and saying things I don't really feel comfortable saying, but the hope is that it will help her calm down and find a place of, if not peace, then stability. If I know that my mother isn't crying at her desk every day and wishing her life was over, I will feel a lot better. If we can get to a point where we can have normal conversations and enjoy each other's company like we used to, I think I will be able handle everything else.
    I don't know what it says about me that I am way more distraught about my parents being unhappy than I am about my life being a piece of shit right now.
usullusa: Matt from Deathnote (Default)
Things I need to deal with / that are problems for me right now:

A whole lot )

Things I actually dealt with today:
Less stuff than I wish )
usullusa: Tony Stark: It's not gonna suck itself (Marvel: Tony It's not gonna suck itself)

  • I haven't seen anybody on my f-list link to this interview with the creators about the new Avatar series, The Legend of Korra. So, here you go.

  • Okay, confession time: There is this horrible flash game on Facebook that I play called Restaurant City. It is in the same vein as Farmville. I am not proud of my addiction. They release a new set of themed items every couple of weeks and they're doing a baroque theme this week. I am unreasonably excited for this. I love the grandness on the verge of ugliness and the theater and the artifice and I just really love the baroque. Also, Louis XIV is my favorite monarch because just look at him.

  • Stressful apartment stuff is stressful. I hate how getting an apartment in New York means jumping through fifty hoops and all you want to do is to give the person the middle finger but you can't because you need a place to live. As you can tell, something is in the works. Dunno if it'll work out, but it's scary because I'm about to make a major financial commitment.

  • I've put my finger down on exactly what makes my situation so hard, aside from the general finances and rejection issues. It's that I feel as if I am being asked to choose between my happiness and my parents happiness and there's no way to have both. But if I don't choose their happiness then I will be miserable. And if I do choose their happiness I will be miserable. So basically, I'm just miserable.

  • Have some fabulous RDJ )

Thank You

Jul. 22nd, 2010 04:51 am
usullusa: (Doctor Who: Eleven looking at Amy)
Thank you to everybody who has responded. Every last comment I've gotten has brightened what have otherwise been a bleak few days. I never expected such an outpouring from people. When I first saw my inbox and browsed through the responses I was so grateful I cried.

I have been actively applying to job after job lately and have picked up a couple of one-time gigs in the meantime. I'll feel a lot better once I've secured a job, but I am less panicked and hopeless now than I was a few days ago.

Thank you especially for everybody's emotional support. I don't talk about it a lot or I downplay it, but I've been in a really bad place for the last few months. Not only is my financial situation difficult and am I taking my family's rejection really hard, but my parents' pain, regardless of whether they are right or wrong, is devastating. It's the kindness of people like you that keeps me going in spite of everything.


usullusa: Matt from Deathnote (Default)

April 2011


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