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usullusaI have a rant. It's about my weight and my consumption of food.
I am really damn tired of people commenting about how skinny I am. I am sick of people exclaiming that they can see my ribs or making dissaproving noises when I decline to eat or eat very little.
Look. I have several digestive illnesses. I am lactose intolerant. I am so lactose intolerant that no amount of lactose pills can save me. I can't have anything containing dairy. Do you know how hard it is to avoid dairy? That means: no milk, no butter, no cheese, definitely no ice cream, no yugurt, no frosting, no cream sauces, no pizza, no whipped cream, no man n' cheese, no mashed potatoes, and the list goes on and on.
Okay, fine, lactose intolerance is actually fairly common. They make quite a few food products for people with lactose intolerance. That's manageable to a degree. But I have IBS too. IBS is Irritable Bowel Syndrome. It's actually often used as a catch-all for when doctors aren't sure what you have, but regardless I have something and it's most likely IBS. What this means is that when I eat certain trigger-foods that I can't actually identify because IBS is also brought on by stress, is not always consistent, and is often brought on by many different foods, my intestines twist up and partially or entirely fail to absord food.
Between my lactose intolerance and my IBS, I am in pain more often than I'm not. I get bloating to the point that it's painful to breath, let alone walk. I get diarrhea. I get constipated. I can spend hours, even days in non-stop agony. I can go to sleep at night because it's the only thing I can do to get away from the pain and wake up in the morning with a full day of work and classes and still be in just as much pain. And I have to somehow keep on functioning through that because I can't take a break from life every week.
I'm not skinny for shits and giggles. I am as thin as I am because my digestive system is broken. Because sometimes there is only food that I know will make me sick, so I don't eat it. Because sometimes even things I think are safe will make me sick. Because sometimes I am so stressed I am already sick or putting anything at all into my body will make me sick. Because even when I do eat sometimes my body fails to absorb any of it. Because after 20 years of pain I just don't like to eat. Sometimes I'd rather be hungry than take the chance of spending three hours running back and forth to the bathroom or curled up in bed trying to breath as shallowly as possible. I've had to train my body to want less food because less food means less chances I get sick. I love food. I think food tastes great. I've even gotten a lot better at avoiding foods that makes me sick. But food still makes me ill and it really sucks that I need it to live.
So when people tell me that I didn't eat enough or tsk and ask me if I've lost weight again it pisses me off. I get comments all the time on how tiny my wrists look or that my upper arm is the same thickness as somebody's forearm. It makes me want to punch the person who said it. I know I am medically underweight, thanks for letting me know. Honestly, I shouldn't have to explain that I have digestive problems in order to excuse my weight. My weight is my problem, my business. And if one more person dares tell me they wish they had what I have because at least I'm thin I will break their face. No. You don't.
Everybody, can we please stop policing other people's weight? Or wait, even better, let's stop policing people's bodies. That sounds great to me.
That is all.
I am really damn tired of people commenting about how skinny I am. I am sick of people exclaiming that they can see my ribs or making dissaproving noises when I decline to eat or eat very little.
Look. I have several digestive illnesses. I am lactose intolerant. I am so lactose intolerant that no amount of lactose pills can save me. I can't have anything containing dairy. Do you know how hard it is to avoid dairy? That means: no milk, no butter, no cheese, definitely no ice cream, no yugurt, no frosting, no cream sauces, no pizza, no whipped cream, no man n' cheese, no mashed potatoes, and the list goes on and on.
Okay, fine, lactose intolerance is actually fairly common. They make quite a few food products for people with lactose intolerance. That's manageable to a degree. But I have IBS too. IBS is Irritable Bowel Syndrome. It's actually often used as a catch-all for when doctors aren't sure what you have, but regardless I have something and it's most likely IBS. What this means is that when I eat certain trigger-foods that I can't actually identify because IBS is also brought on by stress, is not always consistent, and is often brought on by many different foods, my intestines twist up and partially or entirely fail to absord food.
Between my lactose intolerance and my IBS, I am in pain more often than I'm not. I get bloating to the point that it's painful to breath, let alone walk. I get diarrhea. I get constipated. I can spend hours, even days in non-stop agony. I can go to sleep at night because it's the only thing I can do to get away from the pain and wake up in the morning with a full day of work and classes and still be in just as much pain. And I have to somehow keep on functioning through that because I can't take a break from life every week.
I'm not skinny for shits and giggles. I am as thin as I am because my digestive system is broken. Because sometimes there is only food that I know will make me sick, so I don't eat it. Because sometimes even things I think are safe will make me sick. Because sometimes I am so stressed I am already sick or putting anything at all into my body will make me sick. Because even when I do eat sometimes my body fails to absorb any of it. Because after 20 years of pain I just don't like to eat. Sometimes I'd rather be hungry than take the chance of spending three hours running back and forth to the bathroom or curled up in bed trying to breath as shallowly as possible. I've had to train my body to want less food because less food means less chances I get sick. I love food. I think food tastes great. I've even gotten a lot better at avoiding foods that makes me sick. But food still makes me ill and it really sucks that I need it to live.
So when people tell me that I didn't eat enough or tsk and ask me if I've lost weight again it pisses me off. I get comments all the time on how tiny my wrists look or that my upper arm is the same thickness as somebody's forearm. It makes me want to punch the person who said it. I know I am medically underweight, thanks for letting me know. Honestly, I shouldn't have to explain that I have digestive problems in order to excuse my weight. My weight is my problem, my business. And if one more person dares tell me they wish they had what I have because at least I'm thin I will break their face. No. You don't.
Everybody, can we please stop policing other people's weight? Or wait, even better, let's stop policing people's bodies. That sounds great to me.
That is all.
