I Miss You
Jan. 7th, 2009 11:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
usullusaI have spent the past several days in a state of more-or-less constant misery. Normally I can go a long time without thinking about it, but it's hit me particularly hard this time that my twin is dead.
I visited her grave for the first time last summer, and I had hoped it would give me some kind of closure when instead it just opened the door for another, stronger wave of grief. I wrote her a letter the other night to get my thoughts and feelings off my chest, hoping it might lessen my emotions, but it didn't seem to work. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her for days and I cry several times a day.
I don't think I can possibly begin to explain the extent of what I lost the day she died. And it makes me so angry because she shouldn't have died.
I have no idea what to do or how to get out of this downward spiral of grief. I'm not even sure I want to on some level...
I'm going to my high school reunion tomorrow, and I've been really looking forward to going back because I love that place. Hopefully it will get me out of this rut. And I'm seeing all of my friends tonight. Still, I was with my friends yesterday and it didn't help one bit. So who knows. I guess we'll see.
I visited her grave for the first time last summer, and I had hoped it would give me some kind of closure when instead it just opened the door for another, stronger wave of grief. I wrote her a letter the other night to get my thoughts and feelings off my chest, hoping it might lessen my emotions, but it didn't seem to work. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her for days and I cry several times a day.
I don't think I can possibly begin to explain the extent of what I lost the day she died. And it makes me so angry because she shouldn't have died.
I have no idea what to do or how to get out of this downward spiral of grief. I'm not even sure I want to on some level...
I'm going to my high school reunion tomorrow, and I've been really looking forward to going back because I love that place. Hopefully it will get me out of this rut. And I'm seeing all of my friends tonight. Still, I was with my friends yesterday and it didn't help one bit. So who knows. I guess we'll see.
